Clearly it’s been longer than two weeks. More like a month. A lot has happened in this past month, both in this journey and in other parts of my life (including being in the process of buying a condo, which is stressful to say the least). So I’ll just get right to it.
Right before the end of the two week wait I bought two home pregnancy tests. One of my best friends was in town and I told her I was going to take them two days before my blood test. I could tell she wanted to ask if it was a good idea or not, but I convinced her that it was, that either way it may give me some info, but that I wouldn’t hold it as absolute. I’d also had trouble sleeping all that week leading up to the test, waking up at the same time every night, and, after doing some researching, found that it could be a sign of pregnancy, with it’s impacts on your hormones impacting sleep. But only for some women, of course. So I had my suspicions that I might be pregnant, but still, tried to be realistic about it. Long story short, the first home test was immediately positive. So immediately, in fact, that I thought I might have done it wrong, so I took the next one, and that one went positive as well.
Two days later I had my blood test and it was positive. The clinic had me come back two days later to do another test, just to make sure, and it was positive again. Each time they said I was pregnant, and that my numbers (hcg) were really high, though no one indicated what that could mean. So, of course, I did some searching online as to what that meant, and I’ll get to that in a minute.
I was a little in disbelief initially. I wasn’t expecting to get a positive on the first try. I was hoping I would, but I was trying to be realistic about it.
After the positive results I was excited, but the excitement was tempered. The adenomyosis diagnosis still hung over my head, making me feel cautious, and preventing me from getting too excited. It was heavy, as I was still dealing with realism versus optimism.
Fast forward to freakouts about weird spotting (which turned out to be implantation spotting) and weird sensations in my abdomen. At some point I just had to let some of the worry go and just accept what may or may not happen.
Last week I had my 6-week ultrasound (still trying to get used to the standard convention timing that adds two weeks) and everything looked good. I also learned that there was not one, but two fetuses.
That’s why the hcg levels were so high.
That is what I’ve been sitting with the past week. Twins. I was in shock for a bit. I knew it was a possibility, given my hcg levels were so high, but to actually see it was still shocking. I was happy that they were doing well, but shocked because twins were not the plan. As a single woman, twins were not the plan…But, as all things related to kids, plans immediately go out the window. Pre-laid plans mean very little. The universe has other plans (in all it’s randomness, which I know doesn’t make any sense).
The shock has worn off and now I’m just trying to think logically about what it will mean to have twins, provided this pregnancy goes full term (knock on wood) and that they both go full term (knock on wood). Even the doctor said it’s still early, so we’ll have to see, but that they look healthy thus far. I admit, thought, that with the shock being gone, I’m also getting a bit excited about the idea of twins. Stressed, but excited.
Oh, but the morning sickness. How could I forget about that. I had that starting in week 4. I’m guessing it started on the early side because of the twins. I am nauseous from the moment I wake up, til the moment I go to sleep. My sweet tooth is gone (which I suppose isn’t a bad thing). Half the things I normally ate I can’t stomach, and all the other things are only mildly appealing. And I’m extremely tired. I have never been this tired in my life. I take partial naps now, which is huge for me since I’ve never been a napper. I say partial because I don’t fall completely asleep, instead I just hover above sleep most time, but it seems to do the job.
So now we wait and see. Which is what I keep saying. Wait and see. I’m trying my best to just go with the flow and stay relaxed and open to what may come, while taking care of myself…and trying to keep food down and getting more sleep.