Shifting moods

Well, first off – I’m 22 weeks as of yesterday. Things right now are going pretty well. At my appointment last week my cervix was between 1.7-2cm (the pessary makes it hard to get an exact measurement) which is an improvement from last time. So the pessary is holding. I’m also measuring about 5 weeks ahead, which seems to be spot on for carrying twins.

The past two weeks have been quite different than the weeks preceding it. After a lot of deliberation, I decided to share what was going on with more people, via Facebook, and I’m glad I did. The amount of love and support I received from people caught me off guard. People reached out, offered listening ears, offered to reach out to friends who had gone through similar situations, offered to help with things I can’t really do (grocery shop, clean, etc.)…It was a bit overwhelming, but in a good way. I was/am so moved by all of it. It kind of reset my emotional barometer and I started to feel more positive.

I also met with a new midwife, one that I’d wanted to work with earlier but seemed unlikely given the situation. I’d actually talked to her previously on a phone consult before all of this began, but this was the first time I met with her and had a proper in-person consult. I’ve never felt so good leaving an appointment. She was the first person who spoke to me with positivity. I know the doctors are being practical and realistic with me, which again, normally I appreciate, but when none of them will entertain my thoughts or questions about anything past 24 weeks, it’s discouraging. They all look at me with a mix of pity and powerlessness. I recognize they are managing risk, that’s their job, but it really takes a toll on the psyche. The midwife was a combination of practical and hopeful, and she was able to work with all of me, not just my short cervix and my vitals. She also reminded me of my strength and gave me things to focus on. This was the type of care that I was looking for. Someone to check in with the pregnancy, the babies, and me, physically and emotionally. In this current situation I need that even more, and she did just that.

So, I decided to work with her. I’ll still have my MFM and they will be working together, which is nice. I’ll also be switching hospitals to the one I originally wanted to be at once I realized I had to have a hospital birth.

The combination of all the support from friends and the new care provider really boosted my morale. The slightly longer cervix also helps. I’m also focusing on trying to make it to 40 weeks – 40 weeks is the goal. Now, maybe I don’t make it that far. But being in that mindset has actually worked better for me than the mindset of just trying to make it to 24. I don’t know how to explain it. I obviously want to at least make it to 24 weeks, and doing so will be such a huge milestone, but I should still mentally aim for full-term/40 weeks. I should still focus on that to help manifest that. That is what is working for me right now.

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3 thoughts on “Shifting moods

  1. This is a great update! All kinds of positive. Have you tried pregnancy/birth affirmations? I use an app called Insight Timer and I have seen pregnancy ones on there. I will focus on full term with you!

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    • I do! I have my own pregnancy affirmation that I say every morning, and my midwife gave me another two. I make sure to say them everyday, no matter my mood. They definitely help redirect my focus. Thank you for the full term thoughts!

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      • Oh that sounds great! I like to fall asleep with the affirmations playing. Soothes me and let’s my mind focus on it while I am in the middle space between awake and sleep.

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